Do fairytales still exist?

Every now and then, I get lonely. Not something stubborn hard headed people like myself really enjoy admitting to, but I rather keep it honest. It used to be so much easier to be with someone in my younger days (which seem lightyears ago), courting was simple. Nowadays, dating has become a complexity of mathematical equations that even Albert Einstein would never be able to solve. Does the x fit in with the y…. does the problem even exist and will the parallel lines ever intersect with the perpendicular equation (yes my inner algebra nerd is showing). So I try to think of when dating got so complicated……for me, it was my kids. Now not only are you supposed to like ME….I have to make sure that you are suitable to be around my kids and they like you being around. There has been plenty of times someone got released from the AJ Dream Team because my assistant coaches said give them the ax. Then the wave of social media sites…..Facebook, Twitter, instagram……now Im not only dating you….Im dating everyone on your newsfeed. Thats a lot of pressure…..especially since everyone has any opinion about your life and mine. Oh and all the rules of “we want the world to know all our business but get mad when someone says something”. I am a private person to an extent…..I love to share all the good but hide the bad…No one is perfect but fighting on social media is dumb…talk to each other and resolve that offline face to face. Here is where I really threw a wrench into dating…..I started dating girls. Im not sure if thats a well known fact about me but hey there it is. So now Im a black single mom who is dating women….well sounds like a complete package of crazy with a label saying “going to straight to hell dont pass go dont collect 200″…..but I digress.

As you can see I ramble easily……ahhh yes dating and do fairytales exist…..

I believe in happy endings and magical love that without a doubt are truly amazing. I believe that there are relationships in this world between people that are probably something Disney could never even capture. I believe in soulmates….destiny…and fate. And I truly believe that they can exist with all the complexities that modern technology and non traditional lifestyles that now exist 2014.

I believe the world is a little more open minded to love these days actually. I believe went two people can truly love one another wholeheartedly and fully even with all the obstacles that others or themselves can put in there way. I believe in it so much I wear my glass slippers until midnight almost every night…..I eat poisonous apples from creepy ladies in the woods…..and prick my finger on spindles in hopes of my fairytale coming true….even if it happens some other way. I guess even at 31 I never give up that hope. I remain optimistic not only for myself but for the two little girls that look up to me and still believe in that magical beyond a shadow of doubt type love too.

My Date with a Dallas Cowboy

Sounds so exciting huh? I got to go on a date with a Dallas Cowboy……except he wasn’t a defensive end and actually has no interest in football at all. Confused yet? Yeah I was too….so let me start from the beginning. Before I proceed any further , let me state….The Man Upstairs has a very great sense of humor and probably enjoyed this disaster date.

Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t like horses. They are sneaky creatures that can do horrid things to you at any moment. (don’t ask)…..so when I stated I wanted to go on dates and put out a dating ad, I specifically stated “Must love kids and hate horses”. Everything else would just fall into place right. Those were my basics for a love connection…..and yet they failed me.

I met my date in an odd way to begin with. He left a note on my car at work while he was working in my building. Yes he watched what car I got out of and put a note on it….I said it was odd. Left his number and out of my own curiosity, I called. After some texts and phone conversation (nothing major, just basics like who the hell are you and how often do you put notes on random girls cars) we decided to go on a date.

I have NEVER been on a date with a stranger. I have always known the person in some fashion before I just go out with them. So this was out of the comfort zone.

So the day arrives….D-Day. On my way to the restaurant, I called my mom, my brother and a few of my besties telling them where I was going….what I was wearing….my license plate number and in case I turn up missing, my IUD has a serial number if I am beyond facial recognition. (I watch a lot of horror movies)

I arrive on time….get seated and wait. He was 13 minutes late….which felt like years. What if I was that girl sitting alone waiting for a date and he never shows? Looking back, I’m not sure being stood up would have been that bad.

We start off with some guacamole and conversation. This is where Coors light #1 comes in…..his not mine. So then the evil questions begin. Questions that I loathe and know every person in the world continuously asks me

1. Why are you single?

2. What do you want in a relationship?

3. What type of man are you looking for?

I hate those questions simply because I don’t know. I like to believe I am single because I am sarcastic ice queen bitch that has begun to hate relationships but you know maybe it might be something else. (shrug) I don’t know what I want in a relationship because I am not looking….you don’t know what you may be looking for until you find it right and you’re  like “Oh my gosh, I WANT this right here”….and what kind of man are you looking for…..I don’t know. I can’t even tell you if I am even looking for a man at this point in life. I just know they must love kids and hate horses.

 

Our waiter, Alex was super nice. I remember his name because my ex has that name and I thought “Hmm there are nice people named Alex”. When we place our food order….you guessed it, Coors Light #2 arrives. I ordered a margarita just so he would stop yelling I wasn’t old enough to drink. And I am chatting and eating my guacamole….he drops a statement that not only made me almost choke on my chips but almost caused me to immediately get up and run to my car

“I’m a 5-time champion rodeo cowboy”

Um excuse me? My reply is “So you ride pissed off horses…..for fun and prizes?”

His reply “Yes, you should come riding with me on day.”

And for the ONLY time in my life I got to properly use this statement “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on”

The food comes….along with Coors Light #3 AND a margarita for him (since I said that my ONE was pretty yummy)

He states “I’m not gonna really eat….had a protein shake before I got here.” I feel him slowly digging a grave for himself in my mindset. Myself on the other hand could probably eat a horse (corny, yes I know)

he asks me how many more kids I want and why I am not with either of my girls’ dads in which I reply “I hate men”…..he laughs I keep a straight face

And here is the filling to this cake adventure

he asks “Well how old is your mom? Is she single and looking?” *pause* wait did this man just ask if my mom is single?! Awkward silence and then I state, I have her number if you want it…..again, he laughs, I am straight-faced.

Coors Light #4 and I am finishing up margarita #1 and my food. Our waiter asks, “Dessert”…. and I shook my head immediately no. The check comes. He pays. We are getting up to leave….he takes my arm at this point I feel 

A) like a midget….he is 6’6″ and I am 5’8″

B) like i am being ushered through church service

C) like he may be doing this because his ass is to drunk to walk

He walks me to my car and I could feel it. He is going to try to kiss me. “Don’t look up Ash don’t look up.” i don’t and this man licks my forehead and tries to work his way down to my mouth. How a grown man kisses like that I will never know. I pull back and give a peck on the cheek and say “Oh my look at the time” and hurry towrd my door, which he politely opens for me. He leans in and says “I could so make love to you right now” and I vomit a little in my mouth. He tries to lean in for another kiss, where by the grace of God someone calls me. He lets me go and I do believe I almost ran him over trying to flee the scene.

And to conclude this adventure, this is why I am single. This is why I don’t date. And another reason I do believe God has a great sense of humor.

Until next time,

Anastacia47

Stories of the Young and Sexless

Yes….I’m 30 and I don’t get laid. No it’s not because it’s not an option, it’s a choice. I decided at the beginning of 2013 that I was actively going to decline sexual advances from all parties for 1 year. I was like EASY piece of cake and in the month of August….I could probably hump a hole through the Great Wall of China. It’s pretty funny the responses I get when I tell potential suitors that I will not be having sex. Here are some examples of the craziness people spew out of their mouth

1. You are too pretty not to be having sex. (well I am sorry that you think only pretty people have sex)

2. Are you bad at it ? (hate to toot my own horn, but BEEP BEEP I’m good at it)

3. If you don’t have sex, how do you have two kids? (um they are 9 and 4…..I started this in 2013)

4. so you are a virgin? (yes I have that one TWICE)

5. One night with me and you will wanna have sex again (slightly vomited in my mouth just typing it)

6. Not having sex is unnatural and not normal (I can only laugh at that one)

7. Don’t you have needs? (Yes, food water and shelter……I don’t think sex is a necessity)

8. Oral sex is not sex. (it has the word SEX in it, Bill Clinton sheesh)

9. Let me just stick the tip in..that’s not sex…(I fell for that once…..and then 9 months later lmao)

10. So what are you doing January 1, 2014 (Not you obviously)

I mean the list could go on for days but those are some of my faves so far. Yeah I get lonely, yeah I probably should buy stock in Energizer or Duracell and yeah my water bill is probably the highest in the building….,.but I made a goal and I am sticking to it. It’s truly a test. Truly an adventure and definitely out of my comfort zone but I am enjoying every sexless moment of it.

Until Next Time

Anastacia47